Aparadha Phale Mama
Sri Siksastaka Song 6
aparādha-phale
mama, citta bhelo vajra-sama, tuwā
nāme nā labhe vikār hatāś
hoiye, hari, tava nām ucca kori', boro
duḥkhe ḍāki bār bār
O Lord Hari, as a result of my offenses incurred in previous lifetimes, my heart has become hard as a thunderbolt, and feels no change upon chanting Your holy name. Now in utter hopelessness, O Lord Hari, I loudly sing Your name, and in great distress I call out to You again and again.
dīna
doyāmoy karunā-nidān bhāva-bindhu
dei rākhoha parān
O Lord who is compassionate towards the fallen souls! O origin of all mercy! Please give to me a drop of divine ecstasy and thereby save my life!
kabe
tuwā nāma-uccaraṇe mor nayane
jharabo dara dara lor
When will an incessant stream of tears flow dripping and dripping from my eyes at the articulation of Your holy name?
gad-gada-swara
kanṭhe upajabo mukhe
bola ādha ādha bāhirābo
When will a faltering voice choked with emotion arise in my throat, and when will words garbled due to ecstasy come from my mouth?
pulake
bharabo śarīra hāmāra sweda-kampa-stambha
habe bāra bāra
When will my body be filled with ecstatic rapture, and when will there be perspiration, trembling, and a stunned sensation again and again?
vivarna-śarīre
hārāobuṅ jñāna nāma-samāśraye
dharobuṅ parān
When, out of divine ecstasy, will all consciousness be lost in my pale and discolored body? And when will I hold onto my very life under the shelter of Your holy name?
milabo
hāmāra kiye aiche din ro-owe
bhaktivinoda mati hīn
This weeping Bhaktivinoda, who is devoid of all good intelligence, sobs, "O Lord, how will such a day ever be mine?"
Translation
O Lord Hari, as a result of my offenses incurred in previous lifetimes, my heart has become hard as a thunderbolt, and feels no change upon chanting Your holy name. Now in utter hopelessness, O Lord Hari, I loudly sing Your name, and in great distress I call out to You again and again.
O Lord who is compassionate towards the fallen souls! O origin of all mercy! Please give to me a drop of divine ecstasy and thereby save my life!
When will an incessant stream of tears flow dripping and dripping from my eyes at the articulation of Your holy name?
When will a faltering voice choked with emotion arise in my throat, and when will words garbled due to ecstasy come from my mouth?
When will my body be filled with ecstatic rapture, and when will there be perspiration, trembling, and a stunned sensation again and again?
When, out of divine ecstasy, will all consciousness be lost in my pale and discolored body? And when will I hold onto my very life under the shelter of Your holy name?
This weeping Bhaktivinoda, who is devoid of all good intelligence, sobs, "O Lord, how will such a day ever be mine?"