Amar Jivana
Dainya Song 4
āmāra
jīvana, sadā pāpe rata, nāhiko
punyera leṣa parere
udvega, diyāchi je koto, diyāchi
jīvere kleśa
Word for word
āmāra jīvana - my life; sadā - always; pāpe - sinful activity; rata - attracted to; nāhiko - there is not; punyera - of good; leṣa - a minute amount; parere - to people; udvega - trouble; diyāchi - I have given; je - which; koto - so much; diyāchi - I have given; jīvere - to people; kleśa - trouble
I am an impious sinner and have caused others great anxiety and trouble.
nija
sukha lāgi', pāpe nāhi ḍori, doyā-hīna
swārtha-paro para-sukhe
duḥkhī, sadā mithya-bhāṣī, para-duḥkha
sukha-karo
Word for word
nija - my own; sukha - pleasure; lāgi' - on account of; pāpe - sins; nāhi - not; ḍori - hiding; doyā-hīna - without mercy; swārtha-paro - attached to my own gain; para-sukhe - others' happiness; duḥkhī - miserable; sadā - always; mithya-bhāṣī - speaking falsity; para-duḥkha - others' miseries; sukha-karo - becoming happy
I have never hesitated to perform sinful act for my own enjoyment. Devoid of all compassion, concerned only with my own selfish interests, I am remorseful seeing others happy. I am a perpetual liar, and the misery of others is a source of great pleasure for me.
aśeṣa
kāmanā, hṛdi mājhe mora, krodhī,
dambha-parāyana mada-matta
sadā, viṣaye mohita, hiṁsā-garva
vibhūṣana
Word for word
aśeṣa - endless; kāmanā - desires; hṛdi - heart; mājhe - in; mora - my; krodhī - anger; dambha-parāyana - attached to arrogance; mada-matta - maddened by pride; sadā - always; viṣaye mohita - bewildered by sense objects; hiḿsā-garva - violence and pride; vibhūṣana - ornaments
The material desires within the core of my heart are unlimited. I am wrathful, devoted to false pride and arrogance, intoxicated by vanity, and bewildered by worldly affairs. Envy and egotism are the ornaments I wear.
nidrālasya
hata, sukārye virata, akārye
udyogī āmi pratiṣṭha
lāgiyā, śāṭhya-ācaraṇa, lobha-hata
sadā kāmī
Word for word
nidra - sleep; ālasya - laziness; hata - crushed; sukārye - good actions; virata - detached; akārye - misdeeds; udyogī - enthusiastic; āmi - I; pratiṣṭha - recognition; lāgiyā - I feel; śāṭhya-ācaraṇa - devious behavior; lobha-hata - crushed by greed; sadā - always; kāmī - lusty
Ruined by laziness and sleep, I resist all pious deeds; yet I am very active and enthusiastic to perform wicked acts. For worldly fame and reputation I engage in the practice of deceitfulness. Thus I am destroyed by my own greed and am always lustful.
e
heno durjana, saj-jana-varjita, aparādhi
nirantara śubha-kārya-śūnya, sadānartha-manāḥ, nānā
duḥkhe jara jara
Word for word
e - this; heno - such; durjana - wicked person; saj-jana-varjita - rejected by saintly personalities; aparādhi - offensive; nirantara - perpetually; śubha-kārya-śūnya - void of auspicious deeds; sadānartha-manāḥ - mentality of continuous offences; nānā - various; duḥkhe - sufferings; jara jara - wasted
A vile, wicked man such as this, rejected by godly people, is a constant offender. I am such a person, devoid of all good works, forever inclined toward evil, worn out and wasted by various miseries.
bārdhakye
ekhona, upāya-vihīna, tā'te
dīna akiñcana bhakativinoda, prabhura caraṇe, kore
duḥkha nivedana
Word for word
bārdhakye - old age; ekhona - now; upāya-vihīna - without a way; tā'te - in that; dīna akiñcana - destitute and fallen; bhakativinoda - Bhaktivinoda Thakura; prabhura - of the Lord; caraṇe - lotus feet; kore - he does; duḥkha - sorrowful; nivedana - request
Now in old age, deprived of all means of success, humbled and poor, Bhaktivinoda submits his tale of grief at the feet of the Supreme Lord.
Translation
I am an impious sinner and have caused others great anxiety and trouble.
I have never hesitated to perform sinful act for my own enjoyment. Devoid of all compassion, concerned only with my own selfish interests, I am remorseful seeing others happy. I am a perpetual liar, and the misery of others is a source of great pleasure for me.
The material desires within the core of my heart are unlimited. I am wrathful, devoted to false pride and arrogance, intoxicated by vanity, and bewildered by worldly affairs. Envy and egotism are the ornaments I wear.
Ruined by laziness and sleep, I resist all pious deeds; yet I am very active and enthusiastic to perform wicked acts. For worldly fame and reputation I engage in the practice of deceitfulness. Thus I am destroyed by my own greed and am always lustful.
A vile, wicked man such as this, rejected by godly people, is a constant offender. I am such a person, devoid of all good works, forever inclined toward evil, worn out and wasted by various miseries.
Now in old age, deprived of all means of success, humbled and poor, Bhaktivinoda submits his tale of grief at the feet of the Supreme Lord.
Prabhupada commentary
Āmāra jīvana sadā pāpe rata nāhiko puṅyera leśa. This is a song sung by Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura in Vaiṣṅava humbleness. A Vaiṣṅava is always meek and humble. So he is describing the life of the people in general, taking himself to be one of them. The people in general are like the description given here.
He says that "My life is always engaged in sinful activities, and if you try to find out, you will not find even a trace of pious activities. Only full of sinful activities. And I am always inclined to give trouble to other living entities. That is my business. I want to see that others are suffering, and I enjoy.''
Nija sukha lāgi' pāpe nāhi ḍori. "For my personal sense gratification, I do not care for any sinful activities. That means I accept any kind of sinful activity if it is satisfactory to my senses.''
Dayā-hīna swārtha-paro. "I am not at all merciful, and only I see to my personal interest.''
Para-sukhe duḥkhī. "As such, when others are suffering I become very happy, and always talking lies,'' sadā mithyā-bhāṣī. "Even for ordinary things I am accustomed to speak lies.''
Para-duḥkha sukha-karo. "And if one is suffering, that is very pleasant to me.''
Aśeṣa kāmanā hṛdi mājhe mora. "I have got lots of desire within my heart, and I am always angry and falsely prestigious, always puffed up with false pride.''
Mada-matta sadā viṣaye mohita. "I am captivated in subject matters of sense gratification, and almost I am crazy.''
Hiṁsā-garva vibhūṣaṅa. "My ornaments are enviousness and false pride.''
Nidralāsya hata sukārje birata. "I am subdued, or I am conquered by sleep and laziness,'' sukārje birata, "and I am always averse to pious activities,'' akārje udyogī āmi, "and I am very enthusiastic to perform impious activities.''
Pratiṣṭha lāgiyā śāṭhya-ācaraṅa, "I always cheat others for my prestige.''
Lobha-hata sadā kāmī, "I am conquered by greediness and always lusty.''
E heno durjana saj-jana-barjita, "So I am so fallen, and I have no association of devotees.''
Aparadhi, "Offender,'' nirantara, "always.''